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Because One Is Family, Should They…?

Written by | January 16th, 2009

Does anyone believe (or not believe) that the fact that one is a family member, by blood, or otherwise, that there is some obligation for them to always (or most of the time) do things for you; and vice verse?

Mark

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5 thoughts on “Because One Is Family, Should They…?

  1. KEB

    Interesting … I don’t think I expect someone to do something for me, just because they are family, in fact, I don’t think I really expect anyone to do anything for me. On the other hand, many times I do feel obligated to help family and friends if I can. I think it comes from my Approval Addiction. I am working to overcome this problem, and it is tough.

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  2. markross Post author

    Yes,
    It is interesting to me as well. 
    K, your answer is very honest…Thank you!

    I can not tell you how many times I have heard, “they are family”, they should be here, they should do this, they should do that. “Should”, “ought to”; ahhh! I hate those words!
    These words are layered with guilt.

    Often, I stop and think about this very subject, then realize, “some” of the people who have been there for me, the most in life, are NOT family.

    This does not mean that family has never been there for me, and vice verse; in fact, my two sisters, and my father did a whole lot for me, in life. However, I do not think that a person, being a “family” member, automatically obligates them to help me.

    In the past, I have always felt “very” compelled to help a friend, or family member; more then most people, I think. Also, somewhat like you, I realized that I had a “need” to please, or be needed, or excepted. In fact, without people asking for help, I use to try to find a way to help, or be needed. Perhaps this is what they call a people pleas-er.

    Yes, being approved of, or excepted. And all of those years, I did it on auto-pilot, never realizing that “I” was the one that truly needed the help.

    Like many other people, it still does make me feel good to help someone that I care about, however, I no longer have this “need” to be needed. It is actually liberating and I now know, when I do something for someone, it truly is because I want to, “and” have the time to; not because I “should”, or “ought” to.

    Mark

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  3. LdyBelle

    To me, it depends on the circumstance.    I mean, if I was the wealthiest person in the world and my brother was an addict of drugs or alcohol or always found some sort of trouble, I will help once but if they keep making the same mistakes over and over, then by me helping will only continue that mistake and they wouldn’t learn otherwise.. I would think or try to help in another way..  

    However, in most instances, to me, blood is thicker than water and I stand behind my family..  Even if I think he or she is wrong, I will still be on their side – for the sake of family..  We can disagree but the bottom line is that he is my brother or she is my sister, etc and we are bound by blood..   But again, every situation is different and you have to do what you want to do and what feels right for you to do…   Go with your gut, family or no family..  That’s the only thing that should be obligatory ..  Your gut feeling…

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  4. markross Post author

    I do agree that, blood is thicker than water; I think that most people would also agree to that. If that is the case, then there is likely a genetic bond that we have with our family. On the flip side, my family has also disspointed me (at times) more then anyone else.

    As you said LdyBelle, each circumstance is different and most be assessed each time for each circumstance. So, I think that we agree; because they are family, we are more prone to help them, over others, however, there is no obligation simply because one is family.

    Mark

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